Domestic Abuse – My Two Cents Worth

What causes domestic abuses?  Why do the abused stay with the abuser?  These are questions that are not easily answered and are hard for most of us to understand.  Domestic abuse in not a new phenomena, it’s been a problem forever.  It’s only been in recent decades that laws have been passed to attempt to deal with domestic abuse.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about domestic abuse and Rihanna getting back together with Chris Brown. Some people say she is stupid for going back to him.  I’m not going to call her stupid, I think she is naive and she is what I call young and dumb.  Unfortunately, she thinks he will change, so it will probably take a few more beatings for her to see the light.

Several reasons have been given to explain why abused people stay with their abuser:

1. they have low self esteem
2. they grew up witnessing domestic abuse and think it’s the norm
3. they have no place else to go
4. they can’t afford to leave (no income)
5. they are too afraid to leave

All of these may be valid reasons but no one knows for sure.  Do these apply to Rihanna, I don’t know.  I am sure that numbers 3 and 4 don’t apply, she has plenty of money and a seemingly supportive family.

When I was 18, I was in what could have been called an abusive relationship.  My boyfriend at the time was extremely jealous, always wanted to know where I was, who I was talking to and what time I got home from work.  One day we got into a bad argument (about something stupid) and he made the mistake of hitting me.  It was a mistake for him because:

• I had my father’s temper
• I’m from West Philly (we will fight anyone)
• The purpose of a fight is to win
• You win by any means necessary
• There’s no such thing as a fair fight

Now, let me explain why I said it was a mistake for him to hit me.  Because when he hit me, it was on.  This guy was a basketball player who was 6′ 5″ tall and over 200 pounds.  At the time I was 5′ 7″ tall and 120 pounds.  Size didn’t matter.

We had dated for two years and I knew his weakness – his knees.  I saw a baseball bat in the corner, grabbed it and wore those knees out.  His brother-in-law came in, stopped the fight and I took flight.  That was the end of that relationship and I never looked back.

Now I’m not saying abused women should fight their abuser, they can get killed.  But I am saying get out and don’t look back.

By the way, I have better control of my temper now but I’m still from West Philly